absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
