So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want you more than these girls want KFC
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
