if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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