This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
