i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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