i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
