How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
