I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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