dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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