Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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