He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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