I'm going to jail i love you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
