you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
