Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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