you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
