just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
