it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
there is glitter all over my balls
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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