just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize