Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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