I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
