did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
