oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
