I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
