If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
