Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't shave. On purpose
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
