you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
