could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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