He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
