I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
birth control should be required to get into college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
