Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
