I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
