put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just googled if crying burns calories
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
