ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
