my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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