I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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