I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize