It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
