He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
