ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
