Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
