Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
