did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
