those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
