he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize