Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
