I hate all girls vehemently.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
