i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
