he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
