It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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