Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
