Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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