I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
