does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
