Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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