remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
