I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
