you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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