I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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