Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
