Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
