i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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