His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
