Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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