you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
