if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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