It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
