He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
