...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
