Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Where is the hickey?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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