Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
